Let’s talk about something many of us grew up with—beatings.

Now wait first 😅

This isn’t one of those posts that bash African parenting or act like our parents failed us. Far from it. Many of them did their absolute best with what they knew. And truthfully, a lot of us turned out okay. But there’s a conversation we must have—not to condemn, but to reconsider.

Discipline is good. In fact, it’s necessary. Even the Bible says, “He who loves his child disciplines them.” But when that discipline becomes excessive, inconsistent, or is given in anger, it starts to do more harm than good.

That’s when we move from correction to damage.

This post is not saying, “Don’t discipline your child.” It’s asking:

• Are we correcting or just reacting?

• Are we teaching or simply punishing?

• Are our children learning or just shrinking in fear?

And the truth is—children can tell the difference.

At school, we see all kinds of children. Some are bold and expressive, some are shy, and some are scared to even talk. Many of those “quiet” ones aren’t naturally shy—they’ve just been trained to fear consequences more than they’ve been taught to learn from mistakes.

And here’s the thing: a child can be “well-behaved” on the outside but emotionally confused or bruised on the inside.

We don’t want that.

What we want are children who:

• Respect boundaries, not just fear cane

• Feel safe enough to talk to us when they mess up

• Understand consequences, not just experience punishment

So what can we do instead?

Here are a few practical and loving ways to discipline without damage:

✅ 1. Correct in the Moment, Not in Anger:

When you’re really upset, take a minute. Breathe. Cool down.

Discipline works better when your tone is calm and your mind is clear.

✅ 2. Use Words, Not Just Weapons:

Talk. Yes, even with toddlers.

Say things like: “That behaviour was wrong because…”

Children learn when they understand why.

✅ 3. Be Consistent, Not Confusing:

Don’t laugh at bad behaviour today and flog it tomorrow.

Mixed signals will confuse your child and weaken your authority.

✅ 4. Let Consequences Be Creative:

Not every offence deserves a beating.

You can try:

• Timeouts

• Taking away certain privileges

• Apology notes

• Doing something nice to correct their wrong (like fixing what they broke)

✅ 5. Praise More Than You Punish:

Don’t just call attention when they mess up—highlight the good too.

“Wow! You packed your books all by yourself? I’m proud of you!”

This builds their confidence and reinforces good habits.

✅ 6. Hug After Discipline:

Yes, hug.

Let them know you love them still.

Say something like: “Mummy corrected you because I love you too much to let you keep doing the wrong thing.”

*

We’re not raising children who just fear us.

We’re raising children who grow into thoughtful, emotionally aware, confident adults.

Children who can take correction and still feel loved. Who can make mistakes and not feel like disappointments.

Dear parents, the next time you want to reach for that slipper, ask yourself:

Will this teach or will this just silence?

Then choose the response that builds—not breaks.

We’ve got this. 💛

One correction at a time—with grace and firmness working hand in hand.